Happy New Year!
I thought I would have said that sooner, but you would not believe what I experienced the first week of the New Year.
First, for the last 5 years on January 4, I take a moment of silence for my grandfather who I lost in 2015 due to pancreatic cancer.
This year I woke up on the 4th determined to have a great day and not mourn my grandfather but reflect on the good times.
I was having an amazing day until I got the phone call I will never forget.
Around 7pm that night.
I was awoken out my sleep and told that one of my favorite people had passed away.
It was so unreal because I was just on the phone with him less than 48 hours from the day he passed away.
Not only that, but he died the same day that his father, my grandfather, passed away.
Yea it was a lot to deal with.
This was the greatest lost that I had dealt with in my life!
When I talked to him on Saturday the 2nd day of January of this year, he was laughing, and he sounded healthy.
We had one of the best conversations ever.
It is so crazy because I was not going to answer the phone because I had just talked to him a couple days before, but he had called me twice in a row, and when someone calls me twice in a row, I believe its an emergency.
He did not want nothing he just wanted talk lol. That was my uncle!
I am going to miss my uncle!
Anyways, as I was going through this mourning period.
I recognized my community, virtual and reality, was grieving and mourning as well. A lot of people I know are dealing with their own loss.
Today I will share with you some tips that I am using that is helping me get over the pain. Hopefully, these tips can help you too!
Let’s get into it
When you experience loss, it is okay to cry! It is okay to cry so hard that your eyes are swollen, and you have unlimited amounts of snot running down your nose. Why? Because you lost someone who meant a lot to you and you are going to miss them. You are going to miss talking to them, sitting next to them, eating with them, arguing with them.
Who taught you that you had to be strong during a time of loss?
During my weekly reading, this week and it confirmed everything that I have been saying and feeling for the last week.
The card read,
“Feelings: Emotions want to be felt. You really cannot surrender something until you deeply feel it. Allow me, dear divine, to offer all emotions to you, feeling them fully so they no longer hold me captive.”
So, feel and cry deeply. Healing begins where vulnerability exist
- Share your pain-
When people ask you are you okay. Tell the truth. Say NO. I repeat, you do not have to be strong during a time like this. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable and you share your truth for the moment, you allow the opportunity for people to lift you up, speak life into you, and to support you in healing. You do not have to heal by yourself and people do not want you too. We are here to support you.
Share your pain so we can help you, even if its by simply offering up a prayer. Share your pain.
- Stay in reality-
As is pertains to the reasons why someone has left this earth. I have found it is easy for us to try and blame God and others when we experience loss. Or we tend to fantasize the reality of the relationship which intensifies the emotional pain that we experience when they leave us.
For example, my uncle was “sick.” Just because he did not look or act that way does not negate the fact that he was. I think about that when my emotions try get the best of me. It helps me to stay grounded. I cannot go around blaming people for the decisions he made which contributed to health issues.
I appreciate the times that we did have because I remember him saying on many occasions, he lived longer than what the doctors expected. I just thought he would live a little longer. But even when I have that thought, I hear my uncle saying,
“Antinette, I lived a good, good life”
- Learn from their life choices-
Once you recognize and realize people made certain lifestyle choices that contributed to their outcomes. Learn from that. You can make different choices. You can have different outcomes.
- Think about the good times-
If you are having a hard time getting over this loss, I am sure there are plenty of good times that you can think about to support you in smiling through the pain. I believe I smile more now because when I think about my uncle I automatically think of the good times. I have no sad times. The sadness arises out of selfishness because we miss the body not realizing their spirit is still here!
- Keep their names alive-
One way that we honor the people that we lose is by displaying the positive qualities and characteristics that lived in them. Speak on the good times! When the opportunity arises keep their names alive!
Alright now, thank you for reading!
If you have any thoughts about what you read, please leave them in the comments!
Talk to you soon!