I am giving it another try, I am taking my butt to therapy……AGAIN!
I tried going in 2019, however, it did not work out. I attended about 3-4 sessions and after the therapist kept showing up late, I ended our relationship.
Quickly after that I quit my job and I could no longer afford therapy anymore or so I thought.
Did you know that Medicaid pays for therapy? Yes they do!
When I was working, my sessions were close to $100, and now that I have Medicaid, my sessions are FREE!
I plan on taking full advantage of these free sessions for sure.
I really enjoyed going to therapy. It was one hair where I could spend 1 hour with an unbiased person talking my issues and my problems.
The first session…as soon as I opened my mouth, the tears started flowing. Second session I was told that I had anxiety and the sessions did not last too much longer after that.
Now I am going back and I am determined to find someone I can connect with and who can really support me and give me the tools that I need to get out of my own way.
This time I am being more specific with my search. I don’t just want any therapist.
This time I would like my therapist to be a minority, preferably Black, a woman, and someone older than me.
Studies show that a person who has a helping professional who look like them, has a greater chance of being understood and being helped.
My last therapist was my age.
I felt like she was too comfortable. She was so comfortable to the point where she would cuss in our sessions. I am a cusser, but I feel that the professional is always supposed to maintain a certain type of professionalism.
This time, I am not only being more specific in my approach I am being more specific in my healing.
DISCLAIMER: I believe that every living person should see a therapist at least once. Commit to a few sessions and see what comes up for YOU!
The main reason I am seeking therapy this time around is because I suffered a great loss recently.
Grief is so crazy when dealing with a loss that is unexpected.
I didn’t think I would cry anymore since the last time I cried. I knew the thoughts would remain but I thought the emotional part was over.
I was wrong!
Literally 2 days ago I started crying and crying. I was cool. Then this song came on and I just busted out crying.
That’s grief tho’.
I have to remind myself. It’s okay to feel emotions, but don’t stay in that sad place for too long.
I also want support in processing the fact that I “feel” I lost the last father figure I had.
I say feel because my “dad” is still alive but I don’t have the tools or will to rebuild that relationship honestly.
I think about wanting to have a good relationship with my dad, but the relationship is inconsistent so I don’t know how to handle that.
I need help.
Last but not least, I need support in my relationships, platonic and romantic.
When it comes to communicating, intimacy, connecting.
When you don’t have a relationship with the person(s) that birthed you.
When the people who gave birth to you literally neglect you and ignore you, it does something to you.
For me, to not feel that pain of the experiences I was dealing with in my life anymore I had to build BIG walls.
Walls that would support me in not feeling, reacting, or responding when I feel neglected, ignored, or any other emotion that does not make me feel good.
Those walls that I have built are now affecting the relationships that I am having as an adult.
It affects the self-talk that I have about certain situations.
It affect how I respond and react in situations and I believe that most of my thought could cease if I communicate but I don’t want to say the wrong thing in the wrong way sometimes.
If you know me personally you might say “No, not Nette.”
Most times I’m gone say what I want because that is how I was raised, but I really be sparing people man. Lol.
I don’t want to spare people and I don’t want to hurt people either, I just want to be heard and say what I have to say, in the most respectful way possible.
So that why I am going to therapy.
I want to show up as my best self every day and I know therapy will support me in doing that.
My first appointment is Monday!!
I am excited and I will surely be back to let you know how it went.
Are you someone who has experienced some form of trauma or have been involved in some type of drama that has affected you in a major way?
I encourage you to go to therapy!
Schedule that appointment.
It is time to take the necessary steps for you to heal so you can manifest the life you deserve.
Until next time…..